If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is Oprah even human
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
