i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
