I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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