we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
