What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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