Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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