Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
