The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love having hate sex.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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