I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
