They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
