drinking out of a sandbucket again
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
