Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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