i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
