Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
