So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
