you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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