yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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