please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
