My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
