I just saw a hot homeless man
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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