Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
