Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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