He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Im part way to drunk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize