I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
