right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
