i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
