she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
