This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
