No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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