Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize