Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
