maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
