Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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