it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
