You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
