i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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