you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
