"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize