Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
