I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
