How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
