MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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