Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
These tits shall not be calmed
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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