Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
