we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
