I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
