You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
