So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
