found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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