I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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