Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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