I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
