Umm I'm too high to move.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize