lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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