1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
