the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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