i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
