I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
