I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
