You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
