where am i from again
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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