mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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