Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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