Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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