cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
