It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
