Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
