no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
