I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
