He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
