I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
