remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize