Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
