dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
is that a dick in a sweater?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
